is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
