My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
