SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
