Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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