I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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