we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
