They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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