Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
