Screwed.edu
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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