how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
