So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
