Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
