he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
