If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
