i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize