i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
