So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
