To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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