Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
