Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
