My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
