capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
