he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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