You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
