oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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