i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
