Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
