I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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