Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
