Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
