i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
