I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
