Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
