Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isnβt calling you back.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
