I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
