y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
