I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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