ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
