Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
