shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
