OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
