Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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