I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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