How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
