i permit you to call me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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