we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love accidental penises.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
