I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
