it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
