I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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