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I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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