so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
