She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
