Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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