I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
