hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
