She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
