Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
